she told me i tasted like america
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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