you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
