he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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