wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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