Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
