my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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