Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
