I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
