i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
