Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize