Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
you never un-have a 4some
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
