K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
