"it" just moved
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
