i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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