She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
