In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my shit smells like andre
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
