Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
