She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
