Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
