Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I CAN MOONWALK!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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