Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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