and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
