did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
