so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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