She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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