My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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