You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
