I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
