I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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