he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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