Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize