Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
