"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
