Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
