my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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