atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
