hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
