So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
