I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
