There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
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Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
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Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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