I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
