he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
