Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
it's like heaven, but drunker
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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