We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
