i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize