It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
