I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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