i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
