I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
