I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
