I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize