My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
