Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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