I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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