the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
