idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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