Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
