Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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