you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
