just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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