Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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