Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
