you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
