i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
