I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
