Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
