We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
