Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
