I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
