Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
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I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
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Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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