Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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