Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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