We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
