who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
