Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
