Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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