I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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