I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
